“Order the formula, make Livvy’ doctor’s appointment, and oh crap I need to take the chicken out for dinner.” This was just one of the many lists that ran through my mind on a daily basis. Then add the fact that my toddler was literally running around me in circles (while singing Moana), and you have a glimpse into what was my beautiful nightmare. I felt like I was on a constant rollercoaster, but I was also running on fumes. During that moment, I stood in my kitchen, watched juice that I’d just dropped trickle under the fridge, and then broke…down. I mean a good ole nasty snot nosed Viola Davis breakdown. What was going on? I remembered the time when I had dreams and goals. Now I was just…a mom. Had I been naive all that time or was this really life? Naw, this can’t be life. There has to be more to life than this. Everything I had whether it was physical or emotional went to someone or something else. My brain was on autopilot from just trying to survive, so finding the time to even think of future goals was not in the equation. Where was the girl who had massive career goals and an entrepreneurial spirit? Where was she because she definitely wasn’t standing in my kitchen. The girl in my kitchen was a hot mess. I felt like if I didn’t find the old me soon, there was a possibility she would continue to dwindle and become a faded memory. That evening I called my mom, handed over my child and decided it was time for a change.
Check Your Crew
We love to sing Drakes’ “No New Friends,” but truth is, some of us need new friends. Like the old folks say, “birds of a feather flock together.” Are you inspired by your friends? Are your friends making new moves or at least even attempting to make new moves? If the answer is no, then you need to expand your circle. You owe it to yourself to be challenged with new conversations, differing opinions, and the testimonies of success from other women just like yourself. Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be loyal to your day ones, but I am suggesting that different friends serve different purposes in our lives. Some are better at supporting your emotional needs, others are the ones you call when you need a good turn up, and then there are those who encourage you to elevate. Each of these types of friends are essential to you as not only a woman but also as a mother. They push you to remember the part of you who isn’t a mother and help keep your passion for moving forward alive. Overall, all I’m saying is that you can’t be inspired if you’re never exposed to inspiration. So if your crew is only known for a good turn up, then you may need to level up on your friendships to stir up new beginnings in your life.
What Are You Pouring Into Your Spirit?
I’m at a point in life where I’m addicted to anything that makes my spirit grow. I have a stressful job, husband who works out of town, and a three year old who doesn’t care about any of that. On top of that, my daily commute is about an hour to work. If I’m not intentional about what I pour into my spirit, my creativity, dreams, and God given vision will be suppressed by all the busyness I’m surrounded with daily. Initially, I complained about my commute. This was until I started to realize I could use it as an oppurtunity to focus on myself. I started taking this time to listen to Podcast, audiobooks, and sermons that were needed to fuel my withered spirit. Many of my thoughts about life goals and dreams have manifested during this time. So not only did I find a way to negate my negative attitude about driving in rush hour traffic, but I also found a way to become motivated everyday. Changing my outlook on my commute allowed me to refresh my soul everyday which led to my passion coming back. Just for that hour I told myself the world could wait. I wouldn’t think about job, my everlasting list of chores at my home, or anything else. I made a promise to myself that my commute would be my time to pour greatness into my own spirit.
Enjoy the Hidden Gems in Your Backyard and Expand Your Imagination
Take the time to expose yourself to newness that exist in your city. Now it may not truly be new to your city, but it may be new to you. Again, it’s all about exposing yourself to new ideas and finding outlets that will spark your imagination. Think of your own children. We plan playdates, zoo trips, and anything else that will inspire them to reach their greatest potential in life. Their eyes light up as they are exposed to a world they never knew existed. Their imagination runs wild as they take in all the new surrondings. It’s the same for us. When we expose ourselves to something new, we remove the limits of what our minds have the ability to imagine. Let Google become your best friend as you find new places to discover. Take in a play, visit a new exhibit at a museum, or do one of my favorites…ride around dream building. For me, this consist of driving through neighborhoods that are weeeell beyond the possibility of my current salary to become inspired. Take a Sunday to tour open houses, and imagine yourself there. In order to go where you want to go, you have to become comfortable in the environments of where you want to be. Just remember, you can’t dream of things when you don’t even know they exist.
Opposition Will Come
You’re going to have to learn the importance of being your biggest cheerleader. The enemy will begin to speak to you, and you better learn to speak to him or better yet against him. You have to talk to yourself in order to keep yourself motivated. Thoughts like, “Nothing is ever going to change,”or “What do you think you’re doing?” will creep into your mind. It’s your job to say, “I can do all things. Why not me? I am fully capable of making my dreams come true.” Write down your own daily affirmations to help counteract the negative thoughts and to remind yourself of who you are and where you want to be. I like to start off by asking myself, “What is holding me back right now?” Then I look for a bible verse to speak against that concern. When that thought comes up, I speak it out loud to myself. You have to stay equipped. Otherwise, you’ll never even get started, or quick soon soon after. There are a million reasons why you shouldn’t move forward, but there’s also a million reasons why you should keep going. And then there are those (other folks beside yourself) who will have plenty to say. But are you going to let them write your story or take control of your own narrative? Sis, you better learn to write your own story because I promise your version will be much better.
Nothing Happens Overnight
At the end of the day you have to remember that it’s ok to be in a place where you don’t know what to do next in life. You’re not alone. The important thing is to remember that it’s up to you and only you to motivate yourself to move forward. Challenge yourself to start off dedicating at least thirty minutes a day to your passion. Just thirty minutes writing your vision, listening to a podcast, or actually applying your newfound skills to a task. These thirty minutes add up and overtime, and you’ll be in a completely different place than you previously were in just six months. These thirty minutes will also cause you to become even more excited about your findings which will probably push you to discover more pockets of time for your new passion. When you’re passionate about something, you FIND the time. Your energy level starts to boost due to excitement, and you just make a way. But remember…be gentle with yourself. You can’t decide to start a business today, and expect to launch it next week. And if you do, it probably won’t go very far. Slow and steady wins the race. Develop your plan, make moves in silence, and be intentional with your time. Just remember, nothing happens overnight.
We all have the same 24 hours as Beyonce, and I highly doubt the queen is binging on Netflix and social media during all of her free time. She stays low on the scene, creates her takeover plan in full detail, and then snatches our edges from all the moves she’s made in silence. Just start with putting one foot in front of the other, grant yourself grace, and get it done. Nothing happens over night, but you do have to start somewhere. You’ve got this. I know you do, and I can’t wait to see what you’ll get done.